Fall in Love with A Stranger

Here I come again guys...a friend of mine just asked me with her frowning head, "How could you fall in love with your husband?" For her, it's quite weird since we are not from the same ethnics, me is Javanese and my husband is a Dayaknese. She just was wondering how come I fall in love with 'the stranger'?
I said to her, it was a very long story. I need about 8 years to decide which was finally...Yes. Then I started to tell her the history of it.

I used to be a very idealistic girl, I was spirited, active in all such kind of things that made me feel alive. I joined the study club, the journalistic media for youth in my town, etc. But above all...I was a very nervous girl to get in touch with boys. I always kept a distance to those who tried to get close with me. I never had a serious relationship with boys for a very long time. If I liked somebody in the past, I tend to be great pretender; I avoided him if he saw me or passed me by. Then if he went away at last, I felt soooo...disappointed. I was actually wished that he chased me anyway. I just pretend that I didn't like him; it was not the truth...but that what mostly happen, I appeared as an untouchable girl.
After very long period, at 19 years old...I felt so so so really need a boyfriend. I miss to have a boyfriend. I don't know why. But, you know, I was very young....I had an imaginary "must" have man in my life hehe....since I was crazy about all things that has something to do with Indian (American Native Indian), so I really wanted to have an Indian man as my boyfriend haha...since then I always fond of any men who has long hair! It was foolish I think now. In my mind, an Indian man is very manly man. I can't describe it, just fond of it.
I began asking God for 'Indian Man' in Indonesia version.
And then just 3 months before I met that boyfriend, I saw a falling star! I whispered in my heart, "Lord...I need a boyfriend, please send him to me". It was not sent directly after that hehe...I need to wait again. Very long waiting, but my heart was so sure.
Then the time has come. I met my boyfriend in coincident event. Never cross in my mind that he would be my boyfriend. He was entirely not in my dictionary. I just let him come in my life.
He came only two weeks before my mother passed away. Surprisingly, at the time he came in my life, he also just lost his parents too, both father and mother! When I was still in wounded time, he gave me a book that made me reflect on my losing time. I was amazed. This man offered me GOD instead of giving me advice like what commonly people did to me at that time.
Married with someone not from the same ethnics was completely new for my family and I was the only girl in my big family who dares to do that. Breaking the habit! I finally married a man from Central Kalimantan. Now, I live with him and our son in Palangka Raya, Central Kalimantan.
Letting his daughter away from home and big family sounds not a happy end for my father but he has to I smile to God for He has answered my prayer though I just realized that lately. God didn’t bring to me someone who’s entirely like in my dictionary but he brought to me a man who fears of him. The funny thing is, when I asked Indian Native American, He brought to me a Dayak man (let me say, ok, Dayak is mostly look alike Indian haha…).
That’s why I choose my man. And my friend laughed and said, “I see…” Aaah…come on…

Heart Like A Gold

Let me greet you all my friends...how are you doing? I am absolutely fine and I'm glad to be here in this worlwide web! Well...I left my veranda for so long (as I always do), it's because I don't have access to my internet for so long too. I did not wanna blame this situation, I just realized that I didn't really strugle to have the access back! Simply I can say, the situation is now getting better and now is the right time to write down the story.
No no, I don't have any stories. Last story I wrote was about my new experience in my new second hometown. Nothing changed, I still enjoy it a lot. Except some very interesting patern I found recently here, I began to notice that many women here have heart like a gold! In terms of keeping their family sticks together. Perhaps my judgment is not too objective, since I subjectively seen this in my near neighbourhood which is my own sister in laws. My three sisters in law are definitely I can say perfect women for their couple. They serve their husband devotedly. Obey their husband, I never heard them yeled at her husband like me sometimes. They never grumbled though they are now in the position as the bread winner. They keep their mouth shut. Working as they sould, thanking God for every single thing they got even in the very hard situation when they need support from their husband in terms of fund support for the family. They keep working working working and praying.
It didn't happen to me. When I became the bread winner like them in the past, I couldn't easly accept it. I hate it. I wanted to change it! I push my husband to work, look for job, whatever it is. Many times we fought just to end the discussion about that "working" theme. I don't like to be the bread winner, I love to see my husband grab his winning bread too. We are partner, have the equal position to win as a team to gain the bread.
I know now that I've inserted hatred in my heart that time. I didn't talk to my husband with love. I talk to him because I hate to see him jobless. That is why we fought many times just to talk about it. I didn't not pray to God or I pray but actually just "talk too much to God". Always dead ends.
Thank God, now He has brought us at that equal situation. Now, we both are working. In some part, I am luckier than my three sisters in law. But in the other part I am not lucky as them as they have a heart like a gold. Where every time they are tired they cry silently, they pray for their husband, they keep their mouth silent but let their heart talk a lot to God.
I want to have that such kind of heart. A heart that was not inserted by hatred. Coz once we say " I do " means the rest of our life we "do" with love.
I love you honey...I am sorry for being so rude in the past (perhaps now sometimes hehe...) that made you hurt. You have shown me your strugle, your passion to your family, and most of all, you prove that you love me as you promise in front of God oneday. Love you forever....

Dear...I'm Moving in the New Place!

Gosh...I guess this is the best time for me to write. My head is overload with many words to tell you about many things happened in my life recently. Sorry for not greeting you so long. I think I have serious illness, it's called LAZY. I was lazy to arrange words, lazy to type them, lazy to catch hundreds ideas that swinging around my head. In the recent times, I can tell you that I totally waste hundreds chances, billion or million ideas. I regret. But tonight I found the time. I can "shout" loudly now.
Hey!!! I moved out to another place. A new place that I must call Second Home. Yes, now I live in Central Borneo. It's where my husband come from. I have been working here for 4 months. This place is very hot, like other places in this century. But I think the heat is hot hehe...don't know how to describe it but very hot, sometimes become very humid. You can get cough easily here.
A long before, I struggle with the distance matter (read the previous part). Now, I succeed to decide and end the problem. I choose to move out here. Very hard decision. I had to leave my lovely job that I had work for 6 years! I love the job desperately. None like my workmates. None like my boss. I love them! God, why I should choose? I hate to choose.
My nanny came along with us. What a blessing! She is very brilliant nanny, I consider her not just a nanny, but she is my mother, my son's grandma. A woman with full passion. Dedicate her talent to take care of my son since he was 3 months old. This coming Sunday, she will go back to Salatiga, her home. Very emotional, very sad....very sad...after 4 months living with us in this new place, I'm so sad she has to go back, I think my son is sad too.
But life changes anytime. If it doesn't change, it is not life. I remember what my father said one day. So now it is the time for me to get ready. Like riding the roller coaster, God may double the speed, I must be strong and realistic. God loves me and my family anyway. I don't have to worry about anything ahead. I just hang on His arm and I'll be calm down.
By the way, my life in the new place is completely fine. I love the city, begin to love it precisely hehe...this town provides simplicity. We don't have much recreational places to hang out. Only one big mall ('big' in here I mean). People here especially women likes to cook very much. I call them born naturally to cook. They mostly are clever to cook fishy food. Most of them can clean up the fish well, they are brave enough to fried the fish (not like me of course hehe...). Except the heat, I love everything about this town. But I also don't like the habit of mostly people. They throw away the garbage anywhere, not in the place. Many streets were dirty. The awareness of sanitation is low for some of people here. Cleaning up the environment is still 'low' duty in their mindset maybe? I don't know...
My job is another story to tell. This is absolutely different from my previous job. I used to work in the NGO where mostly initiative came from me. But now, I work as the government's staff, I mostly work by order from my leader. It's hard for me to quickly adapt with the new situation. Minimum facilities, I spent half workday by sitting and reading. I go to work at 7 and back at 2 pm everyday except Friday, I go home at 11 pm. But the good news is, I can spend the rest of the day with my son and my husband in the afternoon! That's the good side of it.
Well...what else? I have an idea of upgrading my Dayak language. Now, I still can't speak it well. Only short ones. I plan to become better in one year (I can't promise but I will try it). I realized the practice helps me so much, if I'm too shy to speak it, then I will never gain it. My husband can speak Javanese well, why can't I?
Ok, I think this is too long to read. I will end it here. Thank you for reading my story in the new place. My struggles. How fun this life will be if we just put the struggle on His hand. We just follow what He say ;)

My Son getting bigger and bigger

Please take a moment to see my son's photos :) he is now 20 months old. Totally bigger than before, but he never loses his 'sipit' eyes when he laughed.

He likes to sing, likes to talk much in blablabla words. He loves watching "Upin & Ipin" a cartoon film made by Malaysian. I have to get rid all 'angers' on Malaysia's claims upon our cultures, to know that my son is fond of Upin & Ipin! It is entertaining instead, full of morals for kids (of course mainly 'served' in their tradition forms). But my son likes it. Period. No matter it's day or night, whenever he wants it, just play it and he will calmly sit and pay attention to the TV.

Now, he is able to say "I'm scare". Don't know where he gets this word, perhaps from Upin & Ipin? Or from me? Uuugh... I regret that sometimes I forget not to scare him. Sometimes to make a child obey our request like "Don't go out it's dark! Dark is scary ..." the child records our words and expression. So, dark is scary and perhaps that's why now my son can say "I'm scare" when it's dark :(

The other picture shows me riding the ATV with him. I love this pic, one of my fave. My husband and I are fans of Valentino Rossi, that's why we gave our son a name that some of it are part of VR's name. Valereo. I don't mean to make him has to be a biker. But our prayer is that my son has a heart like a champion. Rossi is a champion in motorbike arena. Everytime he fails, he gets up and tries again. Never give up to any handycaps in front. Humble and just enjoy his life.

My son...my son...you are the power source of my life. When I feel so lonesome, I remember a guardian angel has been placed just near me. Wathcing your smile, 'sipit' eyes...recharged my energy. Hard to describe a mother's feeling to her children. I love you son...

Lonely

Almost a month we live separately in a distance. Not really a distance, still in Indonesia. But the feeling is completely uncomfortable for me. Someone said that this type of long distance marriage was vulnarable ouuuchhh...perhaps by then I felt the common feeling like : in blue. lonely. powerless.
My husband has been working in Central Kalimantan since July 2009. At the first time, it was no big deal for me, as long as my son with me :) but then I realized this choice takes risks. Rising a kid alone is not good at all. We lost so many fun time together. My son has a time gap of losing his man profile. What he has are a mom and his nanny. No man's world. Sad...I'm so sad.
But I have to hang on. Because this has been our decission. We both must work for our future. For our children's future, their education will cost a lot. Sometimes hard to encourage myself to realize that. All I want is he is here. But life is about challenging times. Maybe it's twice harder but I believe that God is empowering me, my husband and my son. I am sure many couples have the same challenge like ours. Living in long distance marriage.
God help us.

The Moments

Dear blog reader,

Thanks for visiting my veranda. How are you doing? I hope you're ll fine and enjoy most of your working time. It's been very long time not to greet you all. I think I'm kinda lazy to type my updates. So many happened, and so many went by without any documents. I regret it, but anyway...here I am. Ready to share with you.

Well...first of all of course I need to tell you about my son. The last time I shared he was just 6 months and cute! Now, he would be 14 months by the end of this month. I see him growing like a tree. We never realized whenever the flower is blossoming, but it's true, it blossoms! He runs and walk anywhere he wants, sure by holding his mom or dad's hand, coz he's still affraid to walk and run on his own. His hair is much like his dad's but his eyes truly is mine! He is now fond of talking much unknown words. Trying to record some of my words, and retell them to us. So funny. Time is fast seeing him grow. My son is my story.

But, I have to admit that there was big loss I experienced recently. Yes, I lost my grandma. Not precisely lost, coz I believe she is somewhere now. She passed away exactly one day before his 73 birthday. Not a coinsidence I think. She has prepared that well. God and her. Nobody else knows but them both. I lost once more another super women with her extraordinary passions. Her strengths reminds me of my mom who was 10 years ago has already passed away. Until their limit of their strength, they surrendered completely without a fight. Just calm and rest. That's all I know.

Thank you so much grandma. I can't tell you how much I lost you but truly, you are in my blood, in my son's blood. Forever....

This has been a year of having moments of receiving andweaving goodbye the ones I love. I received a baby from Heaven, I also weaving goodbye for grandma back to Heaven.

I thanked God for the moments. Reminds me of keeping this journey close to Him. For He is the source of every moments happen in my life. Thank you...

Beginner Level

Hi..hi...here I come again. It's been 7 months since the last time I wrote this lovely veranda. Don't know why I just feel confused to arrange thousands of words that swinging around my head. The last time I wrote was the time when I gave a birth my baby boy (finally..). It was a big honor for me to feel that 'pain', it was so worth it. I will never forget about that. Yes, my son Valereo Satrianda Tumon, a red skinned baby boy born from my womb. So weak and cute...now he's 6 months, everything is much much different. He is growing fast, stronger, no more red skinned but cuter. Me? I'm a new born mother, learning to adapt with the new level of life. I'm still a beginner. Sometimes world is so hectic, I must do many things at a time. Wake up late is no longer exist, now the dark hole under my eyes is getting darker, yup less sleep. But once again, it's all worth it. I love this new level of live, I love to be a new beginner. Me and my son, we are both in beginner level. He is learning to survive. I'm learning to serve.

Ow...almost forget, Valentino Rossi (whose part of his name taken to my baby boy's name Valereo) becomes GP World Champion again!!!

Thanked be to God Almighty...my very best Friend ever.