Fall in Love with A Stranger

Here I come again guys...a friend of mine just asked me with her frowning head, "How could you fall in love with your husband?" For her, it's quite weird since we are not from the same ethnics, me is Javanese and my husband is a Dayaknese. She just was wondering how come I fall in love with 'the stranger'?
I said to her, it was a very long story. I need about 8 years to decide which was finally...Yes. Then I started to tell her the history of it.

I used to be a very idealistic girl, I was spirited, active in all such kind of things that made me feel alive. I joined the study club, the journalistic media for youth in my town, etc. But above all...I was a very nervous girl to get in touch with boys. I always kept a distance to those who tried to get close with me. I never had a serious relationship with boys for a very long time. If I liked somebody in the past, I tend to be great pretender; I avoided him if he saw me or passed me by. Then if he went away at last, I felt soooo...disappointed. I was actually wished that he chased me anyway. I just pretend that I didn't like him; it was not the truth...but that what mostly happen, I appeared as an untouchable girl.
After very long period, at 19 years old...I felt so so so really need a boyfriend. I miss to have a boyfriend. I don't know why. But, you know, I was very young....I had an imaginary "must" have man in my life hehe....since I was crazy about all things that has something to do with Indian (American Native Indian), so I really wanted to have an Indian man as my boyfriend haha...since then I always fond of any men who has long hair! It was foolish I think now. In my mind, an Indian man is very manly man. I can't describe it, just fond of it.
I began asking God for 'Indian Man' in Indonesia version.
And then just 3 months before I met that boyfriend, I saw a falling star! I whispered in my heart, "Lord...I need a boyfriend, please send him to me". It was not sent directly after that hehe...I need to wait again. Very long waiting, but my heart was so sure.
Then the time has come. I met my boyfriend in coincident event. Never cross in my mind that he would be my boyfriend. He was entirely not in my dictionary. I just let him come in my life.
He came only two weeks before my mother passed away. Surprisingly, at the time he came in my life, he also just lost his parents too, both father and mother! When I was still in wounded time, he gave me a book that made me reflect on my losing time. I was amazed. This man offered me GOD instead of giving me advice like what commonly people did to me at that time.
Married with someone not from the same ethnics was completely new for my family and I was the only girl in my big family who dares to do that. Breaking the habit! I finally married a man from Central Kalimantan. Now, I live with him and our son in Palangka Raya, Central Kalimantan.
Letting his daughter away from home and big family sounds not a happy end for my father but he has to I smile to God for He has answered my prayer though I just realized that lately. God didn’t bring to me someone who’s entirely like in my dictionary but he brought to me a man who fears of him. The funny thing is, when I asked Indian Native American, He brought to me a Dayak man (let me say, ok, Dayak is mostly look alike Indian haha…).
That’s why I choose my man. And my friend laughed and said, “I see…” Aaah…come on…

Dear...I'm Moving in the New Place!

Gosh...I guess this is the best time for me to write. My head is overload with many words to tell you about many things happened in my life recently. Sorry for not greeting you so long. I think I have serious illness, it's called LAZY. I was lazy to arrange words, lazy to type them, lazy to catch hundreds ideas that swinging around my head. In the recent times, I can tell you that I totally waste hundreds chances, billion or million ideas. I regret. But tonight I found the time. I can "shout" loudly now.
Hey!!! I moved out to another place. A new place that I must call Second Home. Yes, now I live in Central Borneo. It's where my husband come from. I have been working here for 4 months. This place is very hot, like other places in this century. But I think the heat is hot hehe...don't know how to describe it but very hot, sometimes become very humid. You can get cough easily here.
A long before, I struggle with the distance matter (read the previous part). Now, I succeed to decide and end the problem. I choose to move out here. Very hard decision. I had to leave my lovely job that I had work for 6 years! I love the job desperately. None like my workmates. None like my boss. I love them! God, why I should choose? I hate to choose.
My nanny came along with us. What a blessing! She is very brilliant nanny, I consider her not just a nanny, but she is my mother, my son's grandma. A woman with full passion. Dedicate her talent to take care of my son since he was 3 months old. This coming Sunday, she will go back to Salatiga, her home. Very emotional, very sad....very sad...after 4 months living with us in this new place, I'm so sad she has to go back, I think my son is sad too.
But life changes anytime. If it doesn't change, it is not life. I remember what my father said one day. So now it is the time for me to get ready. Like riding the roller coaster, God may double the speed, I must be strong and realistic. God loves me and my family anyway. I don't have to worry about anything ahead. I just hang on His arm and I'll be calm down.
By the way, my life in the new place is completely fine. I love the city, begin to love it precisely hehe...this town provides simplicity. We don't have much recreational places to hang out. Only one big mall ('big' in here I mean). People here especially women likes to cook very much. I call them born naturally to cook. They mostly are clever to cook fishy food. Most of them can clean up the fish well, they are brave enough to fried the fish (not like me of course hehe...). Except the heat, I love everything about this town. But I also don't like the habit of mostly people. They throw away the garbage anywhere, not in the place. Many streets were dirty. The awareness of sanitation is low for some of people here. Cleaning up the environment is still 'low' duty in their mindset maybe? I don't know...
My job is another story to tell. This is absolutely different from my previous job. I used to work in the NGO where mostly initiative came from me. But now, I work as the government's staff, I mostly work by order from my leader. It's hard for me to quickly adapt with the new situation. Minimum facilities, I spent half workday by sitting and reading. I go to work at 7 and back at 2 pm everyday except Friday, I go home at 11 pm. But the good news is, I can spend the rest of the day with my son and my husband in the afternoon! That's the good side of it.
Well...what else? I have an idea of upgrading my Dayak language. Now, I still can't speak it well. Only short ones. I plan to become better in one year (I can't promise but I will try it). I realized the practice helps me so much, if I'm too shy to speak it, then I will never gain it. My husband can speak Javanese well, why can't I?
Ok, I think this is too long to read. I will end it here. Thank you for reading my story in the new place. My struggles. How fun this life will be if we just put the struggle on His hand. We just follow what He say ;)

Lonely

Almost a month we live separately in a distance. Not really a distance, still in Indonesia. But the feeling is completely uncomfortable for me. Someone said that this type of long distance marriage was vulnarable ouuuchhh...perhaps by then I felt the common feeling like : in blue. lonely. powerless.
My husband has been working in Central Kalimantan since July 2009. At the first time, it was no big deal for me, as long as my son with me :) but then I realized this choice takes risks. Rising a kid alone is not good at all. We lost so many fun time together. My son has a time gap of losing his man profile. What he has are a mom and his nanny. No man's world. Sad...I'm so sad.
But I have to hang on. Because this has been our decission. We both must work for our future. For our children's future, their education will cost a lot. Sometimes hard to encourage myself to realize that. All I want is he is here. But life is about challenging times. Maybe it's twice harder but I believe that God is empowering me, my husband and my son. I am sure many couples have the same challenge like ours. Living in long distance marriage.
God help us.

The Moments

Dear blog reader,

Thanks for visiting my veranda. How are you doing? I hope you're ll fine and enjoy most of your working time. It's been very long time not to greet you all. I think I'm kinda lazy to type my updates. So many happened, and so many went by without any documents. I regret it, but anyway...here I am. Ready to share with you.

Well...first of all of course I need to tell you about my son. The last time I shared he was just 6 months and cute! Now, he would be 14 months by the end of this month. I see him growing like a tree. We never realized whenever the flower is blossoming, but it's true, it blossoms! He runs and walk anywhere he wants, sure by holding his mom or dad's hand, coz he's still affraid to walk and run on his own. His hair is much like his dad's but his eyes truly is mine! He is now fond of talking much unknown words. Trying to record some of my words, and retell them to us. So funny. Time is fast seeing him grow. My son is my story.

But, I have to admit that there was big loss I experienced recently. Yes, I lost my grandma. Not precisely lost, coz I believe she is somewhere now. She passed away exactly one day before his 73 birthday. Not a coinsidence I think. She has prepared that well. God and her. Nobody else knows but them both. I lost once more another super women with her extraordinary passions. Her strengths reminds me of my mom who was 10 years ago has already passed away. Until their limit of their strength, they surrendered completely without a fight. Just calm and rest. That's all I know.

Thank you so much grandma. I can't tell you how much I lost you but truly, you are in my blood, in my son's blood. Forever....

This has been a year of having moments of receiving andweaving goodbye the ones I love. I received a baby from Heaven, I also weaving goodbye for grandma back to Heaven.

I thanked God for the moments. Reminds me of keeping this journey close to Him. For He is the source of every moments happen in my life. Thank you...

Amazing Pregnancy

What is fun about pregnancy? For me, the joy of pregnancy is to feel the moves of our baby every time, knowing that somebody is growing in our womb and later will be born. Definitely is fun! I can feel that since I’m now almost getting to my labor time on this early April. I hope everything goes well.
I’ve taken my three months off from my job and now I am enjoying my spare time with my baby to come. I join an exercise for pregnant women twice every week and have jogging every morning. It is other fun thing I do. Joining an exercise for pregnant women are fun because I meet many women with huge stomach usually they are about 7 months old and above pregnancy. We can share each other about our experience, each of us has a unique story to tell, no one feels “I know better than you” even it’s their second or third times of pregnancy. Because every woman –I think- always feels that every new pregnancy has their new experience. So they are eager to learn again and again even join this exercise.
And nobody tries to give advice; we just listen to each other and share our experience without pushing someone else to do the same like what she did. Once again, because we realize that every woman has their own uniqueness when they are pregnant. Every woman has difference handicaps and different solution. Only the instructor who is a nurse that we trust at least from her we get answer from a trusted source.
According to my last check up, I was predicted to have a birth on April 3rd, my baby is now 2,7 kg and I think I will keep him that way because having birth an overweight baby will need extra energy to get him out of the womb JI can’t wait to feel that moment, I know it will be hurt (no one tells me it’s hurtless) but I believe it must be amazing. Friends, please pray for me and many mothers who will give a birth.

How Do You Know?

I have a girl friend just name her, Umie. She is too silent but just if you don’t know her yet, right after you know her well everything will go just like a river of wors since she is actually talkative! There she goes, she has an unusual habit that is for me quite unique. Besides, this habit can make other people got mad or insulted. Everytime when she and her friends walk together, suddenly if one of her friends shouted to other people pass them by, Umie will suddenly shouted, “Hey, how do you know him/her?” This question never makes her friends happy, but otherwise they felt this question is disturbing. What is her bussiness if they know their friends, whether know or not is not her bussiness. This happens almost everytime she goes with her friends. One of her close friend even told me that she was upset with this habit. She thought by questioning like that, sounds like only Umie that can know other people.
And oneday I felt this too. I told Umie that I know a person, the member of a hiking community in his university where she is also one of the members. Suddenly she shouted, “What?? You know him? How do you know him? Oh my God…I have his cell number.” There she started, this is the habit that I heard from her friends, yeah very disturbing sounds like insulting how do you know a person that I know? If I know this person, so what is her bussiness? Then Umie initiate to send the person I know short message. I said, “why do you have to confirm it to him that I know him? Seems like you can’t believe I know this person too.” And she replied, “Cool down sister, I will do no harm to you or him, I’m just happy that the world is sooo small that you know the friend I know too. I will tell this person that I also know you!”
Suddenly I laughed. I just realized why she’s doing that ‘bad’ habit. The habit that disturbs everyone. According to her, she loves asking this question “How do you know??” because she enjoyed to feel how the world is so small that people are connected each other accoincidently and she will be satisfied if she can manage to reconnect people who has been apart so long. Just kind of a real “FRIENDSTER” in the real world. That is why she loves this question, she will begin to analyze how her friend know other friend. Fiuh…it’s exhausting for me though. Ups…so sorry Umie if you read this article, but I do really appreciate it now. I know the reason why you ask, “How do you know?”. Peace….

Oh No, I Don’t Recognize Myself!

Oneday, I checked up my blood for the preparation of my labour. There was one interesting thing I caught from myself. What is that? Snaps, I don’t really know myself. Here is the story, before my blood was tested, a nurse interviewed me with many questions related to my health history. So, began with some questions such as, “ Are you alergic to some medicines? If yes, then what’s that?” I started counfused, whether I have ever alergic to a certain medicine or not. Once I ever had dizzy after consuming an antibiotic but I doubt it because I was alergic or I have not had any lunch yet at that time? Then I replied, “ How about caffein? Because I don’t like coffee. It maked my heart beat so fast.” The nurse then answered, “Oh, okay. That is the drink you don’t like because makes your heart beat so fast.” It means I didn’t answer the earlier question, I answer the one that has not been questioned!
Then again, what is your blood? I said, “I am O.” The nurse replied, “Are you sure?” Well I started (again) to think. Can my blood change into B or A or AB? Because so far I know my blood type is O since I have a blood type card that I received from my elementary school when I got my blood type checked for the first time, but it was long time ago. I doubt whether the blood type may chane due to something. Aaarrrg…I made myself counfused, I hate why I can’t say steadily. Other questions like, how much the volume of my drinking water per day, including the frequency of my pup everyday whether it’s normal or too soft or too hard, all I answered with wrinkle forehead. It means that I’m still questioning it myself.
That day, I realized that I don’t really know myself well. Knowing in term of my health history, such as how is my body reaction in a good condition and in a bad condition, how is my normal blood presure and kind of complaint when I’m not at this normal stage.
My memory back to a friend from Romania. I was interested in the way she described herself to me oneday. She briefly told me about her identity in her family, her workplace, including her hobbies and even her bad habits, the way she usualy measure herself phisically. “My blood presure normally is blablabla…when I’m not at that normal stage, I would feel blablabla…If I’m sick when I’m abroad, I will look for a hospital that I can claim my assurance in my country, etc…”
So started from that day, I wish I could have a brief and short notes about my identity. For myself at least so I have a record on my previous life, including hobbies until the healt history such as my blood type, the habit on my drinking water, anything that related to my health. I’m so embarrased when people replied me back, “Are you sure”. Id I doubt myself, how about with other people?So guys, know yourself well from now on!

So Sad My Cousin Is Sick

Oooh how sad to see my one and only cousin is sick. He has to hospitalized for days in the hospital because of the dengue fever. Three days he was heat and the heat never turn down, made him who is usually talkative became so weak with an interval attached in his tiny hand. Andra is his name, he is almost two years this next April. Now he is learning to speak with more Indonesia vocabularies. He spoke, “It is Baba,” trying to duplicate a sound in a VCD for kids. “Fish”, “Sick”, “Afraid” (of course said in Indonesia) are some new words in his dictionary. Or sound of some animals like “miaaaw…hmoooo…guk-guk-guk…embeeeek…”
The rest still bla-bla-bla unclear, when we talk to him, he tried hard to understand but he still can’t reply clearly. But, he is so cute and funny. Now he is also photonenic (look at his pose with me), he also learn how to take a pee on his own. When I visit him at his house, he always calls me “Wiiik, wiiik” means Dewi(k) hehe…fiuh if I remember that I really want to quickly hug him. But too bad, he is now sick. I hope you will be healed soon honey so you can play together again with your friends and me Auntie “Wiiiiik” :)

My Two Big Enemies

This is the story : I have been living in a boarding house for almost 9 years which is 4 years in my university and 5 years when I am an employer. Within this long years, I pronounced that I have two things as my BIG ENEMIES : Cocroach and Get Sick!
Let’s talk about that two things one by one.
Cocroach. Do you know why I include them into my enemy box? The reason is simple, it’s yeck anytime I see cocroach I feel itchy. Moreover if those tiny animal has a special skill to fly, it’s hard to catch. Secon, this tiny ones is friendly with the toilet and sometimes it stings. I am mostly satisfied to see a cocroach that I’ve hunted is laying down upside down (ups…this must be sencored) they will hardly get up again. Well, then I can dump them out of my room.
Anyway, when cocroach come into my room, this is most cases I find. Don’t judge my room is too dirty (just sometimes hehe…), I have ever tried to close every holes in my room or even the ventilation until I am willing to breath with the same air that rounds and rounds in my room. But this way is not worked well. Cocroach is still know how to get in, I just find out that they have capability to make their body thin so they can just slip at any small holes like certain rats do. So whenever I open my room door just for a minute, this cocroach can easily come in without notification. This makes me so upset, I really want to swept them away soon as I see them, so I choose the next way that is a broom made of such splintered ribs. So I hold it anytime I see them in my room. Until now, I still use this conventional way.
My instinct to this animal is getting sharp day by day even in the dark. When there is no other voices like radio or TV. I can distinguish what a voice caused by. Whether because of lizzard or cocroach, I begin to easily distinguish it even in the dark. Like oneday when I slept in the dark, I suddenly woke up and got out from my bed and turn the light on. There she is!! The cocroach has slipped into a deep area that was hard to reach by my broom. But still I couldn’t sleep anymore since then, so I decided to just sit on my chair and swept away my sleepy while waiting the cocroach came out. Yeah only few times work well, the rest I mostly decide to sleep again with the light turn on but still broom in my hand.

My second big enemy is getting sick when I am alone in my boarding house. It’s really torching for me. Moreover when there is no friends along because they have their own bussiness. When I am sick, I just realize that I need somebody else in this world to survive. I can’t even wake up and take my own drinking water. My body was like burried by many stones, sooo not cool. But this ‘special moment’ usually happen. It’s like when I got diarrea oneday. Many times, I counted almost 7 times I went to the toilet for one whole night til dawn. One-two times I can still survive but turned to level 4, I began to weak and unstable. But I push my limit to hunt my lunch.
Welll…that’s all my stories of two big enemies. Do I have to be their friend all the time, I hope not :)