Nervous Wacthing Rossi

This morning I found myself flack again. I though this is the day I had to deliver my son. But I wait until the time I type this article, he is not yet to come out. Just the symptoms shows that I must be ready any time for tonight or tomorrow. Who knows?
Well, tonight too, our racer Valentino Rossi is racing in motoGP Jerez, Spain. Actually I really wanted to watch him but I don’t know I was too worry that he would fell down or something bad happen to him, so I decided to get out and take a deep fresh air outside, besides every time I feel so nervous, my stomach has contraction so only my husband still watched him. I know that Stoner is in the last position because he almost fell down in the gravel when Rossi is now at the second place after Pedrosa. But I just worried that something bad will happen to Rossi, might fell down or something.
I prayed that tonight Rossi’s star will re-arise. I think I am not the one who loves competition so much, if I am the true fans of a famous racer, I should’ve seen his racing all the way until it’s finished! I don’t know why I mostly love to see the ending and hope that my idol wins. I don’t like to see the process how he wins, isn’t that funny? Every time I watched racing, my heart is beating so fast. Always worries.
I started loving racing competition since the first three semesters of my pregnancy. It seemed that my baby loves it. But for me myself, racing is something that really shows us how a competition should run in fair. The integrity of a racer could be seen from his sportive act when he loses and respect others when he wins.
For Rossi tonight, go Rossi go-go-go…you can win again! God bless you.

Poison TV

It is shocking! Television is now become poison! (I mean TV station in my country). That is true. According to my experience during my last one month staying at home for preparing my delivery time, I get nothing but poison from this living little box. Started from early morning, the news mostly is the yesterday ones, so the news is just repetition from yesterday. And then followed with infotainment or gossiping time, I can see a horrible world. We call them here “celebs” although we never sure whether this definition is right or not, this magic box mostly presents all the bad side of their life. Look, for example we can see them fighting each other, after married for some times, they get divorced with the classical reason “no more fit one to another” then some of them make a peace divorce without arguing of fighting but mostly they break up with the very dramatic or if I can say “too much over” sad ending. They often then tell the bad side of his/her ex husband/wife. Even they talk about the marital heritance. We can also see celebs get caught because of drugs. Not enough, recently we are ‘entertained’ by many news about some celebrities nude photos or actions in the web, some of them admitted that it is them but the rest didn’t admit it even though the public knows how they acts daily never show good and clean attitude. The celebrities mostly just want their star above all the time so they made some sensational ideas.
Not enough, we can stay tune to see soap opera oh no this name is just too good for it, let’s call it cinema electronics which presents tears, anger, hatred with so many angles taken, from below, above, left-right side to see the dramatically situation. The story is not important, the production house even use dubbing for this kind of living action (it’s not cartoon). Dumb!
The TV shows for kids are not many. Even worse, there is one private TV that showed kids singing competition but mostly kids sing ‘adult’ songs and the TV presented boy band with adult songs too. The rating is now becoming ‘king’ so many TV station don’t take responsibility of the content of their menu. As long as the rate shows high, they keep the show go on. They don’t have empathy any more. Just so confusing how TV now becomes poison for the audience. We only find, fight, hatred, fake, what else….something unnatural and kind of boring. So, if I can choose I better have an MP3 or ipod and newspaper in my hand everyday than watching TV. There is no benefit from TV now. Except Oprah Winfrey Show although it’s imported from abroad and one more, Kick Andy –one of few high quality product of Indonesia private TV station ever.

My Pregnancy Calendar (Part 2)

September 2007

For the last three months, I didn't get bad morning sickness like commonly women do. I ate anything; I didn't want to eat something urgently. Everything seemed so good and fine for me. I was away from my husband because we work in different city, but it was okay for us. So, whenever we are far away, I told my child inside, be tough and help Mama to work well. Whatever he/she wants, I tried to fulfil it. My child looked so nice, never asked for too much. I thanked God for this blessing. Every morning I woke up, I felt so happy because somebody also woke up with me. That was super!
Although I didn't have any problems with the first three semester of my pregnancy, especially about morning sickness but it didn't mean that I didn't have other new things for a Mom to be. Something that really shocked me was I suddenly became fan of Valentino Rossi. Everybody knows he is a motoGP racer; he was a world champion for many times! I rarely watched the GP race unless my husband turns on the TV channel on it. Well, actually my husband was the fan of him since a long time ago, I never know this man though. But I didn't know why I suddenly 'fell in love' with this 29 years old racer! I always wanted to see his action in the GP race, although he lost many times, it changed nothing. I 'keep in love' with him, with his charisma and the way he always tried to be number one. He showed spirit and never give up. Seeing this, my husband laughed! He said, yes the child is my child, so he loves what I love too. Hmmm....
In my first three semester, I always curious why my belly had not growing bigger? It was still flat as it used to be. Every time I grab it, felt that somebody was growing in it, but I wondered when my belly was getting bigger? One day I found it out. My stomach was a little higher than usually. I still could wear my jeans anywhere and my shirts were mostly still fit. It was fun people saw me like nothing happened with me.

October 2007

This was still a safe time for me to bring him fly with me. We had to go to a place which is one hour away by air. The doctor permitted me so here we were. Flying in the air to my grandma's home. My baby was fine, although some small turbulence happened above. I think that was his first experience of flying.

November 2008

Nothing specisific happened. Everything went smoothly.

December 2008

Our first Chrismast Eve with the baby inside my womb. It was simple Christmas Eve, we also celebrated New Year eve together (three of us) at home. The baby is the most valuable present we have ever had from God.

January 2008

In this month, I started joining an exercise for pregnant women. The hospital where I usually check up my pregnancy offered the some sessions. It was fun to meet other women in pretty big belly like me. We could share each other. I enjoy this meeting although we sometimes found the new face every meeting since one by one every mother had their turn to have a birth. It was pretty touchy though.

For the second time, I must bring my baby fly to Bali for job reason. It was fun the baby began to enjoy flying.

February 2008

This is the time when my husband and I spent a lot of fun to have baby's clothing shopping. We went to baby's grocery store to but some clothes and funny other little things for him. I was so fun! After shopping, we usually laughed to know how much we've spent, but never mind, this is for our first son to be! We didn't want to count anything for our kids. As long as we can be wise spending our money for him. We thought that three months after he was born, he might need different size of clothing, so we keep our money safe to buy the next different size for him. Oyeah, we call him Eyo, since after having USG, the doctor once again informed that the baby was a boy. Before knowing it, we called our baby, Eya or Eyo. One more funny thing was that we planned to put the name of Valentino in his name. But we think that Valentine's Day has passed so long. We pick this name since my husband and I are fans of Valentino Rossi, the GP racer. So perhaps we will just pick some elements of his name not all. Let see hehe...

March 2008

This is true! Everytime my baby is kicking! He kicks the left and right side of my stomach. I can't sleep like a baby now. But it is so fun to feel the kicks! I worry if he doesn't kick instead. So I wake him up anytime he is silent. Kick Mommy honey.This is the month of long waiting. Seemed for me that way. I had taken my three months off my job. But now it had been about a month spent and my baby had not come out yet. Be patient...the doctor predicted he will be born on early of April. We can't wait to see him, grab him and hug him. Our little angel from God. We'll inform you later....thank you!

My Pregnancy Calendar (Part 1)

July 2007
It had been about two weeks, a week after my wedding day and just a week after my honeymoon; suddenly my emotion changes a lot. I was easily got mad to my husband without any reason. I was easily felt abandoned, I felt like I need more attention from my husband and I was easily felt jealous. I made my husband confused and we often had a fight due to this confusing situation.
I found myself still fully loaded with unstable emotional situation. Everything seemed to be wrong for me and my husband as a closest side became 'victim' of my anger. I didn't know why that happened to me. But inside my heart I begin to suspect 'something wrong' inside of me, but I let it flow. I just didn't want to make high expectation for anything; it was just too fast I think.
In this 3rd week of July, I became more curious since I didn't get my menstruation which is usually due every end of month. I just waited and once again let it flow, didn't expect for too much. But the unstable emotional changes still happened, I felt so tired with that.
Finally what I had been waiting for happened. I got my menstruation period, but there was something weird because it lasted for almost a week. It was strange for me since I usually got it for about 3-5 days only. It was also weird because it was not bloody at all, only a browned colour flack in my pants. I was curious because it never happened before. I also felt that my breast was hurt and hard like a stone every time I touched.

August 2007

In this time, I tried not to be stubborn, I bought some test packs to test whether or not I was pregnant, according to the initial symptoms I felt. It was shocking! Yes! I was positive. But still I couldn't believe that fast. I didn't tell my husband, I keep it in my heart since I was still curious about the flack that was looked like menstruation I got. It was confusing for me. Was it true I was pregnant or the test pack was wrong?
Again, I tried to use a test pack. This time I kept in mind, this was the last trial. And again the result was positive. I told my husband about this and also about my one week last bleeding. I ask my auntie what it was and she suggested us to check it up to the doctor since according to her experience, these symptoms sometimes indicated an early abortion of the fetus. That was right; the doctor said that I got bleeding which could harm my baby if I was late checking it to the doctor. Suddenly I felt so sad, I didn't want to lose the baby, so according to the doctor's suggestion, and I must have a one week full bed rest.
After knowing that I was pregnant and had a bed rest, suddenly all the unstable emotional changes I felt recently was gone! I felt so happy but also worried of losing my baby. My husband supported me a lot, he was also happy to hear the good news. He was always beside me to serve anything I wanted. He also took me to the doctor to check up. We were gladly informed this good news to our parents, families and our workmates. They showed happy reaction too and told us to take good care of our baby. The world was so bright for us. We were going to be Mom and Dad!
Now, situation became more normal again. I was back to work so did my husband. There were no worries anymore; we let God take care of everything including our baby. The baby was fine; I consumed vitamins from the doctor and have him checked once every month. A special feeling loaded my heart. I was not alone anymore. There was my child with me, so I must be careful with what I did and what I ate. I didn't want to neglect my child. (to be continued)

The Water of My Life

My throat is so dry when I walk in the desert.
Things are not easy to cope.
I don’t see any water source along my trip.
My ransom has run out.
It’s like the end of story.
Until I see a deer in the desert!
I see it run to a blur spot in the middle of the desert.
I see it stops
Almost impossible what I see. The deer drinks from the lake!
Where is it from?
I long for You to fulfill my thirst
Only when I surrender
You come with bunch of water
Only when I surrender
You fulfill my empty cups.

More About My First Pregnancy

The first pregnancy for a new Mom to be is always fun to tell. So, if you would like to read my story of pregancy from the very beginning, please check this link below. You'll find out that every new Mom to be has their own long story hehe....

http://www.ehd.org/pregnancy-calendar.php?id=5729

It’s Ok

You know, it’s ok that we make mistakes.
We may regret it but only for 5 minutes.
After that we must stand to take the risk of that mistake.
It will help us to be better person.
We’ll realize we are not perfect.
It is God that makes us better.
It’s ok for us to feel fear, but only for 5 minutes.
After that we should stand, pass the fear.
Then we’ll be winners.
Still we are not perfect.
It is God that conquered the fear for us.

Amazing Pregnancy

What is fun about pregnancy? For me, the joy of pregnancy is to feel the moves of our baby every time, knowing that somebody is growing in our womb and later will be born. Definitely is fun! I can feel that since I’m now almost getting to my labor time on this early April. I hope everything goes well.
I’ve taken my three months off from my job and now I am enjoying my spare time with my baby to come. I join an exercise for pregnant women twice every week and have jogging every morning. It is other fun thing I do. Joining an exercise for pregnant women are fun because I meet many women with huge stomach usually they are about 7 months old and above pregnancy. We can share each other about our experience, each of us has a unique story to tell, no one feels “I know better than you” even it’s their second or third times of pregnancy. Because every woman –I think- always feels that every new pregnancy has their new experience. So they are eager to learn again and again even join this exercise.
And nobody tries to give advice; we just listen to each other and share our experience without pushing someone else to do the same like what she did. Once again, because we realize that every woman has their own uniqueness when they are pregnant. Every woman has difference handicaps and different solution. Only the instructor who is a nurse that we trust at least from her we get answer from a trusted source.
According to my last check up, I was predicted to have a birth on April 3rd, my baby is now 2,7 kg and I think I will keep him that way because having birth an overweight baby will need extra energy to get him out of the womb JI can’t wait to feel that moment, I know it will be hurt (no one tells me it’s hurtless) but I believe it must be amazing. Friends, please pray for me and many mothers who will give a birth.

Every Mother's Prayer

Dear my Angel....

Please protect my child inside my womb,

Whatever happens even the worse let the worse be mine,

Whatever risks should be taken, let the risks be mine,

Let him be the future, and me as the past

Dear my Angel....

Comfort my child

No matter how painful it would be, let me feel that alone.

What inside myself that benefitful for my child, let me give it all for him/her

Let my child proud of me...

an ordinary woman who is glad to have him/her

Dear my Angel, hear my prayer....

The Rocks That Become Plants

“ People said our country is paradise, a stick wood even could be plants ....”

Do you believe that the rocks could be plants like a short clip of song above? It’s impossible, isn’t it? Except we sell the rocks and by then we buy vegetables or plant seed (just a joking answer, isn’t it?). But this is true story I got from field, when I visited Sumba year ago with my office mates.
The impossible thing was broken by Mr. Willem Jacob, a fisherman that we met in his simple hut home, about 300 meter from the Mondu Beach, East Sumba.
To reach this beach, we must pass many kilometers from the capital city of Waingapu, passing through a rocky and dried road, almost no plants or trees aside the road we passed, but in the water source area. When our car speeded, it was like Paris Dakkar car rally like in television. “How do people here could survive to live with this such tremendous condition of nature?,” perhaps this is a common question from a new comer like me that firstly made this trip.
His house was so simple, with the coconut tree as its roof, among the rocky and dusty desert minus trees. Everyday, he and his fisherman group consist of 8 people, went to go fishing by their boat. But at that time he didn’t go since it was the windy season which was very dangerous for fisherman to go fishing because the rain fell hard and the wind sometimes hard and made storm. So, we started asking, “If they don’t go for fishing, the how do they live then?” The market was far away, no proper transportation means to go for shopping to the city. Suddenly Mr. Jacob invited me and my partners to see his backyard.
By the time we got at his backyard, we were amazed by what we saw, we found a wide of greenies, green vegetables was planted arround his backyard. We never imagined that before that in the midst of this dried and rocky savana, Mr. Jacob could bear a wide green spreaded in his backyard. He watered it from the well not far from the yard. Amazingly, although his house is very near with the sea, but the water from the well was not salty at all. More amazed when we saw the land’s color was brown, which means that although it’s located in the rocky and dried savana, but the land was not consist of calcium. “Yes, we eat from this yard. Sometimes we sell the harvest to other people,” explained Mr. Jacob. “My princip since the first time I live in this hard place was that this rocks had to become plants,” said him again.
Sometimes we want a perfect and condusive situation to support our work, our bussiness. But Mr. Jacob was different. He gave life a special meaning which was to thank God. Though he and his family had to live in the area that commonly hard for people to live, Mr. Jacob believed that this rocky and dried savanah could bear fruit of life. Believing was not enough though, he added hard working in it. So his family and him working hard to make his dream come true. And as the result, he enjoyed the greenies in his backyard. It was contrary but it was a proof, where there is a belief and hard work, there will always be a way.
Hm...I think I need to learn from this wise fisherman, even in this hard times. Thank you Mr. Willem Jacob! (*)

A Poem For My Future Son

A life has been laid upon my womb.

A life that moves every second I move.

A life that loves to hear my laughter and swept away my tears.

A life that pushes me not to give up on him.

A life that is strong enough to kick me anytime.

A life that cheers me every morning.

Yes…that life is you…my son.

May the Lord - the God of all who live- bless your days

Prepare yourself for your coming birth.

The time when you breathe the air of love and gain your freedom.

Be grown.
And when you grow-up,

Be a man who loves God and respects others.

Be independent in everything you do and be wise.

Don’t easily give up on any handicaps of your life.

Don’t blame the past, but forgive and continue to go on.

Mama may be gone and not always beside you.

One day, you have to fight on your own, but fight with dignity.

Don’t cheat, but honest to your heart.

Find your soulmate and respect her.

Make yourself proud to what you did.

In every step that you make, just remember this…..

Mama is proud to give you birth and Mama is glad to be your choice.

I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL ……..

How Do You Know?

I have a girl friend just name her, Umie. She is too silent but just if you don’t know her yet, right after you know her well everything will go just like a river of wors since she is actually talkative! There she goes, she has an unusual habit that is for me quite unique. Besides, this habit can make other people got mad or insulted. Everytime when she and her friends walk together, suddenly if one of her friends shouted to other people pass them by, Umie will suddenly shouted, “Hey, how do you know him/her?” This question never makes her friends happy, but otherwise they felt this question is disturbing. What is her bussiness if they know their friends, whether know or not is not her bussiness. This happens almost everytime she goes with her friends. One of her close friend even told me that she was upset with this habit. She thought by questioning like that, sounds like only Umie that can know other people.
And oneday I felt this too. I told Umie that I know a person, the member of a hiking community in his university where she is also one of the members. Suddenly she shouted, “What?? You know him? How do you know him? Oh my God…I have his cell number.” There she started, this is the habit that I heard from her friends, yeah very disturbing sounds like insulting how do you know a person that I know? If I know this person, so what is her bussiness? Then Umie initiate to send the person I know short message. I said, “why do you have to confirm it to him that I know him? Seems like you can’t believe I know this person too.” And she replied, “Cool down sister, I will do no harm to you or him, I’m just happy that the world is sooo small that you know the friend I know too. I will tell this person that I also know you!”
Suddenly I laughed. I just realized why she’s doing that ‘bad’ habit. The habit that disturbs everyone. According to her, she loves asking this question “How do you know??” because she enjoyed to feel how the world is so small that people are connected each other accoincidently and she will be satisfied if she can manage to reconnect people who has been apart so long. Just kind of a real “FRIENDSTER” in the real world. That is why she loves this question, she will begin to analyze how her friend know other friend. Fiuh…it’s exhausting for me though. Ups…so sorry Umie if you read this article, but I do really appreciate it now. I know the reason why you ask, “How do you know?”. Peace….

Oh No, I Don’t Recognize Myself!

Oneday, I checked up my blood for the preparation of my labour. There was one interesting thing I caught from myself. What is that? Snaps, I don’t really know myself. Here is the story, before my blood was tested, a nurse interviewed me with many questions related to my health history. So, began with some questions such as, “ Are you alergic to some medicines? If yes, then what’s that?” I started counfused, whether I have ever alergic to a certain medicine or not. Once I ever had dizzy after consuming an antibiotic but I doubt it because I was alergic or I have not had any lunch yet at that time? Then I replied, “ How about caffein? Because I don’t like coffee. It maked my heart beat so fast.” The nurse then answered, “Oh, okay. That is the drink you don’t like because makes your heart beat so fast.” It means I didn’t answer the earlier question, I answer the one that has not been questioned!
Then again, what is your blood? I said, “I am O.” The nurse replied, “Are you sure?” Well I started (again) to think. Can my blood change into B or A or AB? Because so far I know my blood type is O since I have a blood type card that I received from my elementary school when I got my blood type checked for the first time, but it was long time ago. I doubt whether the blood type may chane due to something. Aaarrrg…I made myself counfused, I hate why I can’t say steadily. Other questions like, how much the volume of my drinking water per day, including the frequency of my pup everyday whether it’s normal or too soft or too hard, all I answered with wrinkle forehead. It means that I’m still questioning it myself.
That day, I realized that I don’t really know myself well. Knowing in term of my health history, such as how is my body reaction in a good condition and in a bad condition, how is my normal blood presure and kind of complaint when I’m not at this normal stage.
My memory back to a friend from Romania. I was interested in the way she described herself to me oneday. She briefly told me about her identity in her family, her workplace, including her hobbies and even her bad habits, the way she usualy measure herself phisically. “My blood presure normally is blablabla…when I’m not at that normal stage, I would feel blablabla…If I’m sick when I’m abroad, I will look for a hospital that I can claim my assurance in my country, etc…”
So started from that day, I wish I could have a brief and short notes about my identity. For myself at least so I have a record on my previous life, including hobbies until the healt history such as my blood type, the habit on my drinking water, anything that related to my health. I’m so embarrased when people replied me back, “Are you sure”. Id I doubt myself, how about with other people?So guys, know yourself well from now on!

Oh No, I Don’t Recognize Myself!

Oneday, I checked up my blood for the preparation of my labour. There was one interesting thing I caught from myself. What is that? Snaps, I don’t really know myself. Here is the story, before my blood was tested, a nurse interviewed me with many questions related to my health history. So, began with some questions such as, “ Are you alergic to some medicines? If yes, then what’s that?” I started counfused, whether I have ever alergic to a certain medicine or not. Once I ever had dizzy after consuming an antibiotic but I doubt it because I was alergic or I have not had any lunch yet at that time? Then I replied, “ How about caffein? Because I don’t like coffee. It maked my heart beat so fast.” The nurse then answered, “Oh, okay. That is the drink you don’t like because makes your heart beat so fast.” It means I didn’t answer the earlier question, I answer the one that has not been questioned!
Then again, what is your blood? I said, “I am O.” The nurse replied, “Are you sure?” Well I started (again) to think. Can my blood change into B or A or AB? Because so far I know my blood type is O since I have a blood type card that I received from my elementary school when I got my blood type checked for the first time, but it was long time ago. I doubt whether the blood type may chane due to something. Aaarrrg…I made myself counfused, I hate why I can’t say steadily. Other questions like, how much the volume of my drinking water per day, including the frequency of my pup everyday whether it’s normal or too soft or too hard, all I answered with wrinkle forehead. It means that I’m still questioning it myself.
That day, I realized that I don’t really know myself well. Knowing in term of my health history, such as how is my body reaction in a good condition and in a bad condition, how is my normal blood presure and kind of complaint when I’m not at this normal stage.
My memory back to a friend from Romania. I was interested in the way she described herself to me oneday. She briefly told me about her identity in her family, her workplace, including her hobbies and even her bad habits, the way she usualy measure herself phisically. “My blood presure normally is blablabla…when I’m not at that normal stage, I would feel blablabla…If I’m sick when I’m abroad, I will look for a hospital that I can claim my assurance in my country, etc…”
So started from that day, I wish I could have a brief and short notes about my identity. For myself at least so I have a record on my previous life, including hobbies until the healt history such as my blood type, the habit on my drinking water, anything that related to my health. I’m so embarrased when people replied me back, “Are you sure”. Id I doubt myself, how about with other people?So guys, know yourself well from now on!

Goodbye Suharto

Finally, Pak Harto passed away. Like we never know when the dry leave is going to fall down. Now, tommorow or the day after tommorrow? That is our guess to a person that has possibility to die is often wrong. But whenever our mind is redirected to something else, our prediction happen. Pak Harto has gone. Suddenly a mix feeling fullfill my heart, perhaps it is also supported by the media and his obituary ilustration in television. It’s something weird. Weird because when he was still alive many people accused him to responsible for many crimes against the human rights. But, as human being, there is also feeling of lost. Now, he is no more alive, he has gone.
Talking about the mix feeling, hatred-anger-lost- or even normal feeling, I was intersted to hear the response of Widji Thukul’s wife. He was a poet that became one of the New Orde ‘victim’ in the 1998, since he shouted against unjustice through his poems. He was kindapped and until now it is never clear where he is. Asked by a reporter from one of private television, about the death of Pak Harto, this humble wife replied, “God himself is a forgiver, why can’t I forgive him? (Pak Harto),” she almost cried saying this. Wow, is that big a power of forgiveness that she gave? One more thing, she doesn’t want to take revenge because of the past because revenge is not good for herself. Imagine that…the poweer of forgiveness.

Choosing not to take revenge is like an ilustration when we bring potatoes in a plastic bag and bring them all the time with us. What will happen next is that those potatoes will slowly decomposed and sting comes out from ourselves!That is what happen if we keep the hatred within, when we can’t forgive somebody. It’s really not cool to keep a plastic full of decomposed potatoes along wherever we go.

Intensive Care Unit

(This article I wrote a week before our former preseident, Suharto passed away).

Talking about the condition of our former president, Suharto that was recently going better after two weeks laying in the emergency unit, I’m more interested to to talk about the struggle of the patient and the families in this intensive care unit room, than talking about Suharto and all problems in the past that he has to be responsible to (since it took much energy and time but nothing happen, quite boring actually). I imagine how har it is to fight in the ICU for many days, for the patient or her/his family members too. How could? Everyday the family member must ready beside his/her family mamber who is dying there, fighting between death and life. For us who is healthy, they seems to be very close with the death. It doesn’t mean that in ICU we only have two choices, dead or alive but there also often miracles happen. So if I can describe it, perhaps there is an Angel that has certain duty to take somebody’s life, but there is also an Angel that has been given power from God to give somebody his/her second chance. Well…dead is something that we must pass anytime anywhere but in this ICU, this description is very sharp.
I have ever felt this too, how this mix feeling happen everytime. It was the time when my mother had to be taken care in this ICU room, waiting for the day she had to have a heart surgery, my mother has to standby in this room to keep her sterill until the day she had surgery. A day before the day in the morning, I visited her and saw a patient in front of her was laying weak with many instrument supporting his life attached on his body. But when I went there in the evening, this patient had passed away, he was no more there. Fiuh…I was trembling to see this fact, I imagine how my mother felt to know that the patient in front of her was dead. Must be very disturbing for her feeling since the next morning she had to have surgery. There I found out that being in ICU room our psychologically we were torn apart, both the patient and her/his family members who wait to hear or see a patient in ICU room had passed away one by one.
Moreover to see the view in ICU, a heart monitor bip everytime to show life detection. Then, a machine looked like a huge pomp that was used for the patient to breath, so the machine was attached with a long break into the patient’s mouth so anytime he/she breath, the pump was turned up and down. Then, a machine that functioned to clean up the patient’s throat, usually for them who had been comma for long time or many days. When this machine worked, we would hear sound like this : krrrrr….krrrrr….krrrooookkkk….oh so tearing apart our heart to see those kind of machines and insrtuments to support somebody’s life.
Most hurting was when we had to walk throuh the Icu room and saw our veloved family member was laying not move at all, a white sheet of clothes was covered his/her body and face, and the heart monitor sound long tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit and the monitor showed a flat lines means he/she had gone and saw the doctor’s face while standing besides the bed looked like they said, “We’re so sorr, but we had done our best so far. Please be strong.” And that what happen to me that time. ICU room is a room of dead and life between miracles, a room to lose or get our beloved one back. Yeah…ICU… (*dedicated to all people whose family’s member is now laying and fighting against desease in ICU, be tough)